Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Beware! Sometimes the creepiest things happen in your own back yard.

I found that out in a big way a couple days ago. I’m lounging on the back porch when I feel some kind of insect crawling/buzzing near my ear. Not thinking too much about it, I brush it away. What happened next was bizarre. Instead of flying off, the thing dashes RIGHT INTO MY EAR!

OMG! I slap at my ear and dig my finger in. The thing burrows in deeper. I jump up and shake my head like a crazy woman. I can feel the thing crawling around in my ear, and it is about the WORST THING EVER. I don’t even know what kind of bug it was! But it wasn’t any tiny little thing. A fat fly? Or…OMG - a YELLOW JACKET? OMG! How long before it stings me? Images of Star Trek: Wrath of Kahn explode in my brain. I know just how Chekov felt when Kahn’s slug thing slithered into his ear.


I run inside the house screaming for my husband, who’s in the basement playing video games with the kids. He yells back for me wait a minute. Wait a minute? Wait a minute? While some alien bug burrows into my brain and takes over my thought processes? I can feel the thing wriggling. I’m clawing at my ear. “Wait a minute” suddenly sounds like grounds for divorce.

“No!” I scream. “I need you NOW!

My panic must have cut through the video game haze. The DH bounds up the steps, my son and daughter on his heels.

“I’ve got a bug in my ear! Get it out! Get it out now!”

I’m thinking DH will need tweezers, or will have to haul me to the emergency room, but luckily as soon as I stop clawing at my ear long enough for him to look, the bug decides that maybe this nice dark hole isn’t quite the safe haven it had supposed. It crawls out and drops onto the floor.

It’s a creepy skinny black beetle with pincers.

My hands are shaking, I can’t breathe, and my ear is bleeding from a gash inflicted by my fingernail. DH gallantly scoops up the monster and disposes of it. I gulp in a lung full of air and try to calm down. My son thinks this is the coolest thing ever. My daughter puts her hands over her ears and declares she is never going outside again in her life.

DH says he hopes the thing didn’t lay any eggs while it was in there.




Jennifer Ashley/ Allyson James / Ashley Gardner July 16, 2009 at 7:03 AM  

Hey--scene for an urban fantasy or paranormal romance!!

Ew is right. I'm glad you got it taken care of.

alissa July 16, 2009 at 12:49 PM  

That's it, Joy. I'll be wearing earmuffs next time I go outside. Blech!

Joy Nash July 17, 2009 at 7:09 AM  

Jennifer - I had the same thought! Seems nothing bad or weird can happen to an author without her thinking about how she can work it into a story. A silver lining for us, lol.

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