Monday, November 24, 2008

Egyptian warriors and turkeys

Sorry everyone. I got slammed with deadlines this week, and don't have time to create anything original. I think my brain is fried worse than the turkey that dude blew up in the deep fryer one year.

Note to self: Do NOT get deep fryer for DH for Christmas

So here's a post about my Khamsin warriors of the wind, and Thanksgiving, that I posted on my own blog years ago. What would happen if Egyptian warriors cooked a turkey dinner?

Ever have one of those, “AAAKKK” moments? That little fluttery feeling of panic that says, “Hello! Guess what, the HOLIDAYS are almost here.”

Thanksgiving, which means cooking A Big Family Meal. Even though we don’t have a Big Family Gathering. This year, friends invited us over. I’d love to go. Honestly, I can’t cook. I burn water.

But DH loves turkey leftovers. He insists on doing the bird each year, otherwise, our turkey would resemble something tossed into a nuclear reactor. Heck, it would probably even glow green.

I can't cook, but I'm not alone. I envision forcing Egyptian Khamsin warriors to cook Thanksgiving dinner. They’ve invaded my kitchen and in total silent amusement, I sit back to watch.

Jabari: This bird, one calls a turkey, it is taking a long time to roast. I think Ramses should have bought a smaller fowl.

Ramses: You are the real turkey, Jabari. Perhaps we should roast you.

Jabari: Shut up and boil these small round white objects, Ramses. Or do you not know how to boil water?

Kenneth: They’re called potatoes, Jabari. Will someone tell me when the oven is free so I can bake the rolls?

Rashid, reading package back of corn: Microwave ten minutes. This looks simple enough.

Jabari, frowning at jar of gravy: Who is this Mr. Heinz? And why should we put his sauce on our food?

Dinging sound. Rashid opens microwave and eyes soggy, heated box of corn. Mutters: This does not look appetizing at all.

Kenneth, snapping at Rashid: You bloody fool! You’re supposed to take the corn OUT OF THE BOX before you microwave!

Rashid, bristling, removing scimitar: Call me a bloody fool? Prepare to defend yourself!

Kenneth, taking electric carving knife and assuming dueling position: Go ahead if you are man enough!

Jabari, snapping: ENOUGH! Stop this foolishness and help me determine if this bird is done.

Ramses: Check the red button. Has it popped out yet? That is how I know Katherine was done when she was pregnant with the twins. Her belly button popped out.

Jabari takes turkey out of oven. Foul smell hits the air. Men look down silently at burnt bird

Kenneth to Jabari: You were supposed to remove the innards.

Jabari (defensively): I am sheikh of the mighty Khamsin warriors. Not CHEF of the mighty Khamsin warriors!

Kenneth, sighing: Let’s go to Cracker Barrel.

Rashid, nodding: We can take my camel.


Gillian Layne November 25, 2008 at 1:34 AM  

Ok, I may have to print that out and read while I'm bur--er, roasting my own Thanksgiving bird...thanks for the holiday laugh, Bonnie!

Cindy Holby November 25, 2008 at 5:12 AM  

I think I'll try that with my cowboys some day. Maybe I could call it A Windy Thanksgiving. (lol) And I love Cracker Barrell for Thanksgiving dinner. No dishes to wash, just that wonderful turkey/football coma after dinner.

EmilyBryan November 25, 2008 at 11:46 AM  

Hysterical! Thanks for sharing, Bonnie. Isn't it fun to yank historical characters into the present? Wonder how my pirates would cook a turkey. Bury it in a barbecue pit on the beach for a few days? That's what the buccaneers did with wild pigs. That's not stuffing, boys. It's just sand.

Cindy Holby

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